You will never be Japanese, you will never find the BL of your life in Japan, who looks like this and is a cutie pie Japanese slave. You will never be the protagonist in an anime, you will never have superpowers that allow you to overcome your most cringest tribulations
You cheated not only the game, but yourself. You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took a shortcut and gained nothing. You experienced a hollow victory. Nothing was risked and nothing was gained. It's sad that you don't know the difference.